I sail to the moon. I spoke too soon...

Today NY finally gave me a break. After weeks of tortuous beat down I felt like she hurled me into her more favorable corner after showing me her vitriolic ways. Oh happiest of happy days!

I found a job. Not a proper one that I deeply, truly crave, but a good job. The job I work now is bullshit and insignificant. I am not paid hourly in addition to the fact that I have to tip out my manager, who earns a salary wage unlike me.

This place is a bowling alley/music venue/bar/restaurant in the heart of the trendy, up-and-coming gentrified neighborhood of Williamsburg. Everyone loves to hate this area because it is the congregation point for the hipster revolution and where the mass exodus of scene kids go to that migrate from all areas of the globe, but I adore it. Strolling through this district you get a sense of history that electrifies you. The graffiti scrawled from fifteen years ago when this was a highly Latino dominated spot breathes its way into the hip, white place it has become. Gentrification has two elements that make it evil and glorious at the same time. Allow me to elaborate as I know this is a highly contentious and sensitive subject. The whole scheme of gentrifying a region is for the benefit of the whole. Slowly developing areas next to one another encourages integration as well as progressive urban development, albeit very gradually with a lot of planning and much sacrifice. This is the purpose. In actuality the disastrous side comes with the part where the poor are shunted out of their homes. I can see the bigger pictures but also acknowledge the victims that suffer for it.

I desperately needed a win. I was beginning to feel like this place was kicking my ass. I am so happy to have found a job that will not only supply me with financial security but will enable me to work with people of like mind who share my love of the independent culture I have become so deeply fond of. I am starting to feel like I may be planting some roots. I don't want to get my hopes up too much but I am exhilarated.

After a very disappointing third date with a very promising contender, whereupon I was stood up, I spent a full day completely stewing in the mentality that “Men are all shit, why do I bother with this species?" Today, after finding a gentle happiness in my step, I released some of the demons currently on my payroll. I thought to myself, "If I'm forever carrying this shadow behind me who stalks my everyday moments I'll never allow myself any peace that might lead to opening up and trusting another human being. Why am I wasting my youth and time frivolously wondering what things may have been?" You must, of course, keep in mind that people are guilty until proven innocent as far as your trust is concerned but at some point you must stop making new friends (or whatever) pay for the sins of your past relationships with others. It was with this new illumination that I felt my eyes blaze for the first time in months and that put buoyancy into my resolve that I've not felt for far too long. I spent the evening at Dan's house in the company of his roommates and their friends and found myself finally exorcising the goofy, alive, witty part of me that has been long absent in favor of brooding and silence. I feel like myself again for the first time in a year.

That faint sunlight behind the buildings that obscures the clouds is not only the sunrise, it's the new dawn of a new day of a new life for me. And I'm feeling goooooooood. (Thank you Nina Simone)

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