I'd like to start off this post that two people will read by saying that Ezra Stein calling the American Government a "non-grown up political culture" was probably the highlight of my week. Infants could run Congress with more transparency than the majority of our elected representatives. Luckily our President, who promised the utmost disclosure by saying C-SPAN would be included on all major bills discussed in the house, has forged this bill mostly behind closed doors. I'm not yet on the tip of hating all over or even being disappointed in Obama. Too many people are too quick to jump onto a political bandwagon they do not understand. I admit that little has been done so far by his administration that was promised on the campaign trail but let's be realistic here. We should all be jaded enough at this point to expect little yield from campaign promises. Bush promised "Compassionate conservatism" as well as reaching out an olive branch to the Democrats in order to work together. Look how well that turned out. He strengthened his party, sure. But at the expense of the American people. As well as developing the most extremist version of conservatism we've yet to see and strengthening the audience of political pundits and hate mongering fuckheads like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly. Come on people. If you expect politicians to live up to all of their promises then you really have not been paying attention to politics since Nixon screwed up with Watergate.
That being said...da da da! Here comes the health care bill! A mostly moderate bill that promises to have more government involvement in health care, lowering cost in order to make health care more accessible and affordable. I have not read the 3 trillion page Congressional bill myself but more than likely it's a lot of fine print that says very little, as the majority of bills do. The media goes ape shit. The Republicans show their fundamentalist colors by screaming "SOCIALISM" while protesting under tax-funded street lights while a post office truck rolls by. Shocking. The unintelligent, misinformed, barely literate members of the right (not saying that they all are, mind you. Just the tea bagging retards) crawl out of the wood work and look to their heroic leader, Glenn Beck, to tell them what to think. None of this is remotely new. We've been watching this shit storm parade for 10 years. The Daily Show makes fun of everyone for taking themselves so seriously, we all get a good laugh, and everyone has a glass of wine before bed so they can sleep better because they cannot afford prescription sleeping bills for their severe insomnia and they gotta work in the morning.
Meanwhile, single working Mother (cliched example I know but in this instance it is my Mom so shut your judgmental trap) who waits tables from 5-midnight and goes to community college from 8 in the morning until 3 when she picks up her two kids from school and drops them at the sitter before headed to work has her daughter, who is in a government funded after care program because her mother cannot afford sitters six days a week, falls off the jungle gym and breaks her arm. Rush to the ER to get the bone set. Mom pays the bill with her RENT MONEY and that week Mom, Misty, and Amber stand in line for government issued cheese, milk, and bread, before going back to their section 8 apartment. Fuck you if you think this bill is bullshit. This bill will help millions of people and is completely a step in the right direction. Social reform programs and government funding is the backbone and tenet of this damn country. Without it we'd be lost. Communism? Socialism? Really? What is this 1981? Who cares?!?
Give the man some bleeding credit. In the mostly highly over-bureaucratized system in the world today passing anything is nothing short of a miracle. Let's all just grab some popcorn, put a doctor's office on our speed dial, and watch it all unfold. I'll tell you this, I'm looking forward to the ride. This is going to be nothing if not entertaining.
This is not my two cents, this is my co-pay. Below you will find a picture of a puppy to make it all seem okay.
This is Gizmo. He is a destroyer of worlds. And he approves this message.
Bills! Congress! Insurance! Oh my!
Oh Demetri Martin, why can't I meet you?
So tonight I found out that the bar where I work in Williamsburg, Sweet Ups, has a celebrity fan. We have a specialty drink called the Tina Fey. I am a huge, adoring fan of Tina Fey. I've always been a lover of stand-up comedy. Some of my favorite moments in my life were due to moments in comedy history that made my life relevant. Brooklyn Bowl has been a place of solace and refuge for me and I adore my job but I have very much been losing a sense of myself there. The job has become a shoe that I wear and love but sometimes smells really bad and I just flat out need to wear a different pair. I've lost a sense of myself. Sweet Ups has allowed me to find new friends in NY that I desperately needed. There is a certain level of horrible pain that exists there but you learn to endure in this city.
Anyway, back to the non-ADD Misty who can actually focus. Ha! Some of the writers for 30 Rock, my favorite of most favorite shows, come in to the bar. It's NY. It's bound to happen. They apparently approached her and showed her our cocktail menu with her drink name on it and she thought it was hilarious. I cannot convey how unbelievably honored I felt that something I'm involved with could even remotely touch a person's life that I admire so much. What it made me realize was that I have so much capability in me to explore and love NY and that this city really does have so much opportunity here. People come into the bar as tourists in Williamsburg and they are so electrified and wide-eyed about NY. And I just think to myself, "Well I live here. I'm not in awe of the skyline and the buildings anymore." But realistically, I walk by the Empire State Building every day of my privileged life and fail to appreciate just what I really have here. New York is a blanketed sea of professionals, hipsters, artists, bartenders, etc. who all came here for different objectives hoping to find their way. Hoping to find their lives. Hoping to find their dreams. Hoping to find themselves. And whether they do or not, they all can fundamentally enjoy that they are in the greatest city on the face of the Earth. And I've failed to acknowledge that. I've been in a self-referential and totally absorbed world of pain that I couldn't see the gift I've given myself by coming here.
And then I made friends. And they were glorious. I've come back to myself. They have woken me up. Tis true that I am in love with a boy that is out of my league when it comes to emotional intensity and genuine beauty but that is no excuse not to inhale this city into my lungs as hard as I can and hope that I don't choke on the exhale.
NYC in spring is a beautiful, cherished, monumental thing. I only hope that the loneliness of seeing the Guggenheim by myself doesn't disintegrate the relevance of it. Because it shouldn't. And the best you can hope for is being so happy with yourself and the moment that you can value the moment for what it is.
ADD is going to bed....
Bottle of wine and the US loses the hockey gold....
So in an ill-advised haze of alcohol and bad judgment I texted things that should probably not have been said. Here are the highlights:
You know what the best part is about the fact that you've resolutely refused to talk to me? When I text you it feels like talking to a mountain range. There's no response but there's an echo. So it doesn't feel so empty. It's not like talking to yourself. I just kinda got my heart kicked in and it reminded me of old pain. The greatest thing about this stupid city is that I moved here to start over but I hate it here. I'm so cold and lonely all the time. I dream about things that broke me a long time ago. I'm tired of not trusting anyone. NY is kicking the shit out of me. I've pretty much just fallen into pieces and I'm planning my escape. Seven months in and my apartment has become an infected containment pod. Quarantine zone. I still think of you and you pop up in my dreams. Whenever someone really hurts me to a point where I think I won't bounce back you come to mind. You are my constant reminder that no matter how much pain I'm in that I've survived worse. I know you despise me and that nothing about that will change and that you are the last person in the world I should show my vulnerable side to but it's safe because you'll just ignore me. I'm incredibly scared. I've managed not not let guys hurt me over the last two years but one managed to wiggle through. And it was a friend. Very rough. So the last time I was entrenched in a world of misery I left the state. To escape you. This time I think I'm leaving the country. My solution, as always, is to run. I'm done. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming. Thanks for being my empty cavern I can talk at.
----------end transmission----------
Now I'm left with the desolation of no response and the wonder of where to go next. Leave New York? Stop being a wimp and nut up? What?!?!
