The bartender is supposed to cut you off....

Two months was all it took to realize that forming relationships of any kind up here are perilous. Like the cliched and oft quoted line above Dante's Inferno "Abandon all hope ye who enter here," it is much the same. Bars tend to house the young, clique-ish types who are far more jaded than their twenty three years should allow. At twenty nine years old I have had a revelation that has set me on a path that is rapidly spiraling into what I can only hope may be a less bleak future than the present I feel currently trapped in.

Smiling at someone while you stand next to one another on the subway, hopeful eyes gently appraising one another while locked in the new and exciting should be illegal.

As we speak my friend is en route to my house, too drunk to remember where he lives or give directions to his friends. It is five am after a long shift at work that was one of the most cruel nights I've endured in the borough and I am waiting for a phone call that will tell me whether my friend has safe refuge for the night or not. Or give me insight into whether I will be making a trip to the emergency room for alcohol poisoning.

NYC is tougher than leathery skin that has had way too much exposure from the sun.

I've decided to sit in for the LSAT. If you don't know what that is then you should find out. Not sure when the next test is so we'll see. In the interim I am going to sign up for prep classes. Just to keep my options open. I will commit to nothing, as so many in my past have told me they are incapable of doing. Sad state of life to be in at the age that I am. Words like "I'm sorry" and "I'm not ready for this" have lost any meaning they may have had ascribed to them when they were first forged.

I am tired and waiting for the phone call to tell me what condition my friend is in has left me with an odd realization. We need to change our lives.

Don't listen to Radiohead when you are depressed and contemplative. They mirror too much of the angst and humiliation that you are feeling to be helpful. As much as I may worship them.