So I've been here almost three months and winter is about to descend on the city like a plague of rats that have been given cheese food stamps and an immunity to anti-vermin drugs. There is no avoiding it. No matter how much I relish the moments of 75 degree weather in my backyard these days are coming to an end. In more ways than just the brisk air that has permeated the NY streets. I have to move out of this apartment. And as much as I've bitched and moaned about this neighborhood I've actually found a bit of a balance here. Sure, I've avoided becoming familiar with Bed-Stuy because I never wanted it to feel like home, but it kind of has. The corner deli at the end of Madison has become a safe haven for me. They know when I enter the door that I want a veggie sandwich and I don't even have to give the specifics of which cheese to put on it anymore. They also began to carry diet coke for me. This was a hard won battle of me whining that I was a frequent enough shopper there that they should accommodate me. I don't even tell the guy at the Chinese place anymore what I want because he always knows I want the vegetables and noodles with extra brown rice and a hearty dose of watercress. It wasn't ever supposed to be home but after three months it is. The huge backyard that is illuminated with Christmas lights where I spend my lonely evenings on my computer, smoking cigarettes and having a beer. Now it's suddenly going to be gone. I love the comfort of this place. And I'm completely unprepared to leave it and now I have an expiration date. Wow I'm screwed.
And now I'm venturing into the unknown. I'm thrilled to be doing so because I do, indeed, dislike the place where I'm living and am seeking to move somewhere that I can exhale sharply without feeling like I'm a red sock in the dryer but it is still removing myself from the familiar in the land of the unfamiliar. Scary on top of crazy. The ultimate bad mixture of girl, as any guy would happily point out.
There is so much happening in my life right now that I feel incredibly unprepared for. I want this job. I want it so badly that if I were a model and this was Victoria Secret I would be laying awake all night wondering if my ass was too fat. You get the idea. But am I ready to transition ten years in the hospitality industry into a career? Am I ready to give up my twenties in the face of my thirties? These are the things I am struggling with. None of my friends are the same age as me and they are certainly not in the same place that I am. I'm left to wonder what lies up ahead and if I am woman enough to handle it.
And the answer is yes. Yes I am.
Christmas lights in September are totally appropriate.
The open aurora of the sky.
So today I cast my new New Yorker hatred of Manhattan aside and went to the city. 3 months in and I am a die hard Brooklynite. I love it here. The lack of tourists, the smaller buildings, the slower pace, the concentration of restaurants and bars. It feels like a more down to Earth slice of home. When walking with friends today they commented that I've found my New York stride, which made me feel pleased and proud. I've survived here for two months with little battle wounds. The exception being the fear that exists on a day to day basis. So I crossed the East River and endured the ear popping that always happens on the subway to go to a job interview for my dream job.
It's the New York Restoration Project, which is a large government funded non-profit organization. My job would be to write and organize workshops and lead up a team of ten volunteers who are looking to educate the public in different facets to get on board with the green movement. Specifically to participate in a community based project to plant trees in residential and commercial spaces to preserve NYs parks and natural wildlife. I feel I did pretty well but sincerely do not want to jinx myself. I want this job very badly but the last year has been wrought with disappoint and heartache over jobs I sincerely wanted and felt qualified for, but did not ultimately get. One of which involved me flying to Chicago and the other driving to Jacksonville and back in one day. So while this job would be a major step into the career I have chosen for myself based on my sincere passion I am not going to let myself fall into a pit of despair should it not happen. I'll know by Monday and will be either posting my elation or disappointment. We'll just have to see.
My lease ends in a few days and I have nothing lined up in the way of apartments. I am getting a little scared as I do not want to have to go the couchsurfing route but am thinking that unless something pops up quickly I may be screwed.
NY is beginning to open itself to me to the endless opportunity that is the reason I moved here. Even if this job does not work out at least I know that there are others out there. Keep your fingers, toes, legs, and arms crossed.
