These streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you.

So my job and a slight amount of homesick depression have taken over my life recently and I have not been frequenting my beloved blog as much as I should have been. There has been no recent news worthy of telling.

Well...I guess one of my friends up here did convince me to finally express how I feel towards someone who has meant a lot to me for the first time recently. So I called said person and, like the coward that I truly am, left it on their voicemail. The point of this exercise was not necessarily to tell that person how I feel in any hope of promising resurrection of what we once had. The point was to finally let my heart break. For the last year I have aggrandized this person. An entirely conscious (which makes it even more pathetic because you can’t blame it on your subconscious) craving always accompanied this silent and desperate fantasy. This fantasy that warped my world towards this desire for the unpossessible. It became a blanket I used to block out sunlight. It was my justification for sullen afternoons and nights of crawling into a bottle of Jameson and building a bed. Then it suddenly occurred to me that I was using him as an excuse to be miserable. I realized that he had become my comfortable spot in the sadness. So I called him to relinquish that hope. I knew he wouldn't respond. He's happy in another relationship and has moved on. I called to prove to myself that even after all of the complication and harsh words followed by heartache, if I let my guard down and told him how I truly feel about him (albeit long after when I should have) there was still no shard of potential in existence on this glorious planet of ours. So I realized that I've been lonely and heartbroken of my volition. It's time to truly break the heart and not just leave it in purgatory anymore. Then I can actually be restored and stop being hung up on my bloody ex boyfriend. So the lack of response was exactly what I expected and needed. The band-aid was ripped off after causing an infection that should have been healed long ago. The world, after your first love truly kicks you in the teeth, suddenly loses its terrifying nature and becomes a land of immeasurable prospect where true potential really lives.

For anyone who cares I am coming home December 21-27. If you wish to hang out I would love to see any and all who would like to have a beer.

Jay Z's Empire State of Mind drives me absolutely crazy. It is a song I cannot get away from and yet can't help but liking. Hence the title of this post.